6-12, 7:06 #introvert pt.1

I had a simple relaxing life once. It was quiet. Too quiet for those who knew me. ​Everybody was like open up. Interact and get to know people. It will be fun. Meeting new friends is great. Trust me. And then so I did. I conquered my fears and walked outside. But then I started hearing about people’s problems. The general annoying things that people complain about on a regular basis. And the contradictions of their daily lives. Believing one thing yet doing another. I began to notice the genuine lack of social structure that exists in the world. Honestly started giving me a headache. I can see why people who are popular or know a lot of people are always miserable. Nobody really cares about you. Everyone wants to be an individual and not judged by social standards. Except they do things that will get them judged on a daily basis. It’s like walking around a world full of people who are either blind or wearing blindfolds. And everybody yells because they want to be noticed. Screaming for attention. Look at me, look at me. So the world is full of staticky inaudible noise. Of course nobody knows who truly is talking because despite trying to be different everyone looks the same. And this goes on day in and day out. People hoping to interact with one other being that might understand the noise you are making. Maybe someone will try to make sense of what you are doing. Maybe they will even try to help you and tag along on your journey. I’ve been watching this go on for years. Walking amongst the people. This doesn’t seem so fun. It’s actually quite frustrating. Complicated but not in an interesting way. In that makes you question how society manages to function with all this. Enough to make my head spin. I’m not enjoying myself anymore. Being noticed only to have every bit of your character questioned. Society says people like me don’t exist. So when I’m found I’m treated more like a science fair project. Until they lost interest. I wasn’t told they lose interest quick. Maybe it’s the short attention span. Maybe if I understood it more I would enjoy it more. Maybe if I knew the point of it all. Friends are cool but I don’t mind being alone. Then again you can feel alone in the midst of crowds of people. Makes no real difference either way. Now I’m just thinking about going back inside my shell. Where it’s quiet and sensible. Comfortable. I mean at least I understand me. People don’t seem to anyway. All those questions for nothing. Losing hope at this point. Nothing makes sense. Maybe it isn’t supposed to. Maybe I’m supposed to not bad understood. Maybe that’s what will make people interested. But people fear what they don’t understand. Confusing. It was so relaxing before. People aren’t fun anymore. At least I tried. My brain is tired from all this thinking. Maybe I’ll give it another go tomorrow…